


You Fucking Loved Me, I Know It

by risquetomlinson



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Cuddling, Domestic Larry, Eleanor Calder - Freeform, Elounor, Fighting, Friends With Benefits, Harry Styles - Freeform, Kissing, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, M/M, Submissive Harry, i don't wanna spoil anything, larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-23
Updated: 2014-08-23
Packaged: 2018-02-14 09:27:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2186502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/risquetomlinson/pseuds/risquetomlinson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And Harry isn't really listening to much, but with his eyes on the shattered china around his feet, he hears Louis say that he's leaving.</p><p>* POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING PLEASE READ END NOTES *</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Fucking Loved Me, I Know It

Harry sat on their bed at 3am, not able to fall asleep. He sent Louis a goodnight text five hours ago, but the truth is he never slept well without him by his side. And the sad part was, he knew Louis didn't feel the same anymore. Harry tried to make everything perfect for the two of them, as perfect as it could be. 

But now Harry finds himself awake and alone more nights than not. And Louis tells him to give up, because it's not worth it. He tells him that it's not fair, and he can't give Harry everything be needs. But Harry stays, because he doesn't care. He doesn't care that Louis is dating Eleanor. He doesn't care that Louis is calling and looking at apartments to move, or that he sleeps on the couch a lot, or that he's tired of trying. 

Harry knows that he's not going to win. He's going to lose Louis, and probably soon, and that's the one thing he can't imagine. The thought of him living without Louis in his life is what creates the tear stains on his pillow case, and the muffled sobs in the shower.

And he knows he's avoiding the inevitable, but he can't imagine going one day without Louis. And when he told Louis that, he said he had been going without him. Louis said he's already gone, that Harry's only getting a little bit of his heart, and it's not enough. And damn it Harry, why did you have to make it so hard? Louis screams. 

He talks about he wast supposed to fall in love. And Harry can tell that he's tired too, and he bets that his pillow case is probably soggy. But Louis is mad. He swears and breaks the tea cup Harry bought for him. And Harry isn't really listening to much, but with his eyes on the shattered china around his feet, he hears Louis say that he's leaving. 

He chokes on the air and can't breathe. And Louis isn't just mad, he's crying. He says he can't do it, that he's tried to give Harry time to let him go. He's never home and he can't go out with Eleanor and come home to Harry in his bed. He says that Harry doesn't deserve his left over bits and that he needs someone who loves him one hundred percent, not just a little bit.

And Harry's eyes are flooded but he shakes his head. He tells Louis that a little bit of love is better than none. And that breaks Louis' heart. And he tells Harry that it's not. And that he loves him, but everything's so far from perfect and they'd never work out. And Harry fucking begs, because god knows he's going to be a mess without Louis.

But Louis can't find the words to make Harry understand. He's so mad at himself. How did he get into this situation? Harry's crying harder and Louis is packing his bags. Harry is telling him he can't live without him as he's about to walk out of the door. But Louis shakes his head. 

He tells him that its going to be okay, but they both know that's not true. And when Louis closes the door without even saying goodbye, Harry's on the floor with a knife through his heart. He can't breathe, and his sobs become Louis name, and he's pitiful. He's so dumb. 

He thought it would work out. He thought that Louis would stay. He gave ninety percent so Louis only had to give ten. But ten became too much. And then he gave ninety five, then ninety six. He gave Louis ninety nine percent, and devoured the one. And one percent is too much of your heart to give to someone who doesn't deserve it. 

And so here Harry was, ninety nine percent of his heart already given away, the other one percent leaked out onto the floor in a puddle of his tears. And he doesn't remember falling asleep by the door, because he thought he was having a nightmare. But when he wakes up he realizes that it was real. 

And he breaks down again. And it never gets easier. And Louis doesn't come back. And Harry drowns himself in alcohol while Louis gets love drunk. And it's not fucking fair, and it hurts. But he destroys himself because hell, no one is going to replace Louis, so what's the point? 

What's the point if he can't even get out of bed most days, and he cries whenever he tries to make tea? And what's the point if Louis' shattered shards of china are under his bed in a shoebox? What's the point if Louis left? 

And Harry wishes this would end like a fairy tale, but everyone knows those are bullshit. And he's only kissed one frog, but sadly, only the kiss of a princess will win the frog prince over. No fairy tale has ever ended with two princes running away to live happily ever after anyways, so he's not sure why he expected just exactly that. 

And that's the thing that Harry finally gets. This world is not a fairy tale, and Louis was not Prince Charming. He was a man who loved a little too much and only gave a little bit of his heart to who he really loved, because it was easier that way. And Harry was the fool who fell for it all. He gave his whole heart in exchange for a little bit because he didn't want something easy. 

He wanted Louis. And that's what he got, until it got hard. Then Louis gave up. And now it was Louis' wedding night and Harry cussed and drank alone in his bedroom. He called Louis and left a voicemail. "Louis, you're a fucking coward, I loved you and I know you loved me. You fucking loved me, I know it. I know you're afraid of everything but now you're safe." He cries into the phone. "You're safe. Congratulations Louis."

And so what if from that night on everything gets worse. He's not okay, he will never be okay. He hates himself, because why couldn't Louis just been a girl? If he wasn't gay, he thought, it would've worked out. And why was life so hard? Because now his love wasn't his anymore, and his life was a mess. He can't live without Louis.

It's been three years, and Louis divorced Eleanor. He listens to that drunken voicemail nearly everyday. He lives with his mom now because his sisters keep him distracted, but it's not enough. Because nearly every day he ends up standing in that god damn graveyard, staring at Harry's name on the tombstone with the words "You fucking loved me, I know it" repeating in his head over and over and over again, and he hates himself. 

X.

**Author's Note:**

> *contains spoilers* 
> 
> I DO NOT want to trigger anyone with an unexpected character death, please be kind to yourself, and do not read if a character death or alcohol abuse will trigger you. 
> 
> UPDATE: I added the character death tag bc I do understand that I could trigger someone and I'd rather just post a spoiler than to upset someone. I was being ignorant by not tagging beforehand, I just didn't fully understand the negative impact it could have, please forgive me. 
> 
> Don't hate me omg. So yes, HARRY DIES but I didn't want a dramatic sad scene so it's kinda a terrible surprise, there's no specific way he he dies bc I didn't want to trigger anyone. But yeah this is sad, if you want a sequel that's like Louis side or Louis life after Harry leave a comment ! :)


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